The User Experience of You

Question: What version of you will people experience today?

No, I'm not just talking about your mood and emotions (although they play a big part in this).

You know how an actor can play vastly different roles in a play or movie?

Here's an extreme example: Eddie Murphy played six different characters in one scene in The Nutty Professor. He not only had to create distinct voices, but he had to wear a separate body suit for each.

We may not be actors, but we act differently in different contexts.

You may think—*but I don't do this*. Author John Mace offers an example that challenges this.

The following are examples of some of the activity identities of one man.

When he leaves for work and says 'Goodbye' to his children, he is in the identity of a father. At the front door, saying 'Goodbye' to his wife, he is in the identity of a husband. In his car, he assumes his car driver's identity. Once at work, he has a different identity again – his role as, for example, a manager. On his way home, he stops at the club for a few drinks and becomes one of the boys. Each and every identity has a different personality.

One man, 5 identities in one day.

It's been said that Dale Carnegie could play jacks with kids on the street of Chicago minutes before taking the elevator to the top floor for high-stakes board meetings. I can't imagine he spoke and behaved in the same way to both audiences.

I've had similar, jarring juxtapositions. Ever been on a Zoom call with a client when the dog gets the zoomies and starts tearing around the room? The client requires professionalism; the collie begs for playfulness.

Wow Experiences

By now, I hope I've convinced you that you can be many things to many people, choosing what to reveal to people and how to act. So what can we do with this?

I've written on The Low Bar of Exceptionalism. Key takeaway? Most people sleepwalk through conversations. Watch the checkout line in any grocery store.

• X: "Hey, how you are you doing?"

• Y: "Good. You?"

• X: "Good"

Nothing memorable. Just going through the motions.

Now, compare this to my friend Tyrone's explanation of his favorite experience in NYC (Eleven Madison Park). As he described it, he looked like a kid at Christmas unwrapping a dream present. The food was excellent, sure, but that wasn't what he was obsessed with. He talked about the experience being perfect from the moment they arrived at the door until they put their to-go bags in the fridge when they got home. Every single thing was a wow, even how the wait staff engaged and entertained them while they waited for their table. How they crafted a customized to-go bag for each person at the table based on what they enjoyed the most.

This experience happened years ago, and yet he was as animated as if it were happening right now. That's a WOW experience.

And you don't have to go to this level to wow people. I argue if you just stretch a little bit, you can create micro moments of awesome. Instead of responding "good" to the grocery store clerk, respond "I'm doing great sir. And what are you looking forward to today?"

When you give a shit, people shift. They snap out of their daydreaming. What? A real person asked me a genuine question? I actually have to think about that. Wow. How kind.

I know this because I try to do this every time in all situations. Oddly enough, I do it just as much for me as them, because we both tend to perk up from the interaction.

How Do People Experience You?

Now let's get down to business: you.

They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression. However, we're making impressions on everybody all day. With your family, when everyone gets up. With your colleagues when you show up to the office or on Slack. With your clients when you hop on the Zoom call.

• Do you look tired or energetic?

• Do you look put together or like you rolled out of bed?

• Are you present or distracted?

• Are you peaceful? Content? Joyful? Stressed?

• Are you rushing through the conversation, or are you relaxed and chill.

I often think about this when I come home from work. My kids are just waiting for Daddy to come home. But what if I had a stressful day? What if I'm zapped with no gas in the tank?

Well, if I open the door carrying all that weight and worry, I can see my kids' smiles instantly fade. "Oh… daddy is tired." What a buzzkill for everyone.

On the other hand, if I stop the car for 2 minutes, take some deep breaths, and regain my energy, I can create a completely different experience. "DADDY! Guess what we did today?!"

Which experience would you want?

Now let's push harder.

• Which experience are you currently creating with how you're showing up?

• What experience would you rather have?

• How do you need to show up differently to help inspire these types of results?

The User Experience of You

Whether or not you like this framing, you create experiences for other people interacting with you. And all the details of how you who up (with what identity, with what mood/emotions) impacts that experience.

World-class restaurants know this, and obsess about all the details (and people remember and rave about them forever).

World-class companies know this, and obsess about all the details (think of the last time you unboxed a new iPhone or iMac).

Consider doing this exercise for one day.

1. Make a list of everyone you will bump into.

2. Think about the typical experience they have with you.

3. Decide what you'd like them to experience instead.

Even if you don't do anything else, the mere awareness of this could change how you show up, at least until you go back into sleepwalking like everyone else. But with practice, you'll make this a habit and create more memorable user experiences.